When I was pregnant, I asked my mom : " Ma , how do you think my baby will look?". She said : " However she looks, I hope she is healthy." I stared at her while I took my pregnant pause, trying to savor her words, surprised. As I thought to myself - my mom has finally given up her color bias and I cannot believe., her voice interrupted me : " .. and maybe she will have Srikanth's ( my husband) color". Aha!, now things are back normal. " Why ma, can she not have my skin color?" By then my mom has already gone to make me saffron milk ( Saffron apparently can go and polish your baby's color in the womb itself)
Where I come from, a person's color plays quite a big role , especially in the matrimonial market. When my parents were trying to give an Ad for me, they wanted to write : " Very Fair, Slim, tall, well educated female seeking..." . I confronted them one wrong wording at a time " Ma, I am not very fair, why do you say that? " " Priya, that is what everyone says. Very fair does not mean very fair" Uh really ? then what does it mean? I am the color of charcoal , but if you rub your eyes really hard and take a good look, I would be shining like moon!
My parents then agreed to take Very Fair off the table and put Fair instead!. NO i could not argue myself out of this, for it was supposedly the basic minimum requirement even for the newspaper to let your Ad pass through.
" Sir, you have not marked anything in the color column"
" Uh. yes we dint want to mention color"
" Sorry sir, its a compulsory box, I will just mark the default ( Fair) option for you"
This is also a common topic of conversation in our family circle. " When Priya was born, she was so pink and very very fair. What happened over the years?" As I look around the room, I can see some sad nods and a few sympathy clucks, but not a single fair skinned face. That is when I want to bring in a huge mirror and point out a factor called Genetics!. But that conversation would be so not worth it.
" paati, its in the genes"
" Really?See, that's why I told you not to wear those"
When my daughter was born , the first thing my mom told my mother-in-law was this : " Baby is of very good color". I am sure my mother-in-law had been praying coconuts to every God for 9 months to hear these same words! and I am quite positive she finally slept a whole 8 hours that night.
Recently my daughter's skin is getting darker and this is the constant worry between my parents on yahoo. My dad to me : " Amma says sonali looks darker than the snap you sent yesterday" " Appa, both were taken on the same day" " Oh oh, then maybe its the lighting, I will tell amma".
Next day : " Amma says she seems darker on the webcam too" " Yes pa, she is finally beginning to look like our family:) " Dad , clearly not happy with my answer " why don't you try some coconut oil? All the women in our family have used it and have gotten results?" REALLY? If that's true, can you imagine how my clan would have been earlier?
This obsession is not specific to my family and I know that for a fact!. My mom-in-law has told me this, only about a million times : " My son was called a pink baby and my daughter was a white baby". When I take a good look at my husband, she is quick to add : " He has been drinking too much coffee, so he has lost color on his face. But you should see him with his shirt off, his skin is the color of milk".
Well you should have mentioned this in your Matrimonial ad for your son : " 28 Yr old Male, fair with shirt on, white with shirt off, seeks an equally colorful female.......". You bet I would have responded, besides a few peacocks and parrots!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Growing into and like each other
My parents are a very peaceful couple - at least for the 8 hours when they are sleeping. The rest of the time, well that is a totally different story. When a roommate of mine once told me that her inlaws' place was like a Malayalam award movie, I was stunned!. " You mean they don't talk at all? Even when they pass each other? " Mine don't even need to exist in the same room for an argument. Its also funny how they miss each other so much when they are away. My dad is with us now and mom is back in India... he needs to talk to her on yahoo everyday. I think this is what they mean by growing into each other as you grow older!
Earlier my mom would complain that my dad never takes interest her in family. " You should have seen your dad when I told him about how my sister's daugther-in-law's mom's brother spoke at that function. He dint care! He simply told me not to bother about such things as well. How can I let my folks down like that?" Another constant complaint would be how he never helps her in the kitchen. " Have you seen how your friend Mr. X came back from the US a changed man? He cuts vegetable for his wife , cleans the dishes, even obliges to eat her food! You have made 2 trips and have learnt to do nothing for me.! "
Well, now things are a little different. When my dad asks my mom how her folks are and if they managed to finally settle the last argument between her sister and her brother, my mom goes : " You wont understand all that. Its different. I think its best you don't interfere. "
Yet another time my dad was helping her dry the dishes and put them back in their place . " OH My god!.. what are you doing? what is the hurry to do that? I told you never to come inside the kitchen. Is there no cricket on TV? U should go and read the paper again".
I guess this is what they mean by growing like each other!. It does seem like my parents have become more like each other, and that only makes the equation worse!.
I have also heard married people begin to look like each other when they grow older.
SCARY!. If that is true, I need to stop blogging, start working and save money for my plastic surgery later. Ciao!
Earlier my mom would complain that my dad never takes interest her in family. " You should have seen your dad when I told him about how my sister's daugther-in-law's mom's brother spoke at that function. He dint care! He simply told me not to bother about such things as well. How can I let my folks down like that?" Another constant complaint would be how he never helps her in the kitchen. " Have you seen how your friend Mr. X came back from the US a changed man? He cuts vegetable for his wife , cleans the dishes, even obliges to eat her food! You have made 2 trips and have learnt to do nothing for me.! "
Well, now things are a little different. When my dad asks my mom how her folks are and if they managed to finally settle the last argument between her sister and her brother, my mom goes : " You wont understand all that. Its different. I think its best you don't interfere. "
Yet another time my dad was helping her dry the dishes and put them back in their place . " OH My god!.. what are you doing? what is the hurry to do that? I told you never to come inside the kitchen. Is there no cricket on TV? U should go and read the paper again".
I guess this is what they mean by growing like each other!. It does seem like my parents have become more like each other, and that only makes the equation worse!.
I have also heard married people begin to look like each other when they grow older.
SCARY!. If that is true, I need to stop blogging, start working and save money for my plastic surgery later. Ciao!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Book Review - A palace of Illusions
If you like reading mythology, I am confident you will be taken by this book as I am
A Palace of illusions is the story of the great Indian epic, Mahabaratha as seen from a completely different perspective - one of Paanchali Alias Draupadi, who was the very reason for the great battle of Kurukshetra.
The story begins from the birth of Draupadi and her Brother Dhriystaduma from the fire. The story of the various characters in her life and her own story have been beautifully juxtaposed by the author. The entire novel is a narration of how draupadi feels about things that happen in her life, how she believes herself to be no ordinary girl , how women in generally feel helpless many times and how she is determined to make a mark in history.
Draupadi feels she is wronged when she is not allowed to learn the skills her brother Dhri gets to practise everyday. She hopes, like any other girl to find love in her life. So when her father decides to arrange her marriage by promising her hand to someone who can prove his skill in archery, she is furious that she is a mere pawn in this whole game. She is less than excited when she discovers that she is to be shared as wife among 5 brothers ( pandavas). She blames her mother-inlaw Kunti for such a garish proposal and for the fact that her real husband Arjun does not even have the courage to stand up for her.
She goes through her life and slowly begins to realize her dreams when she gets a palace of her own in Indrapastha. - the palace of illusions. Her good companion since birth has been Krishna, whose talk throws more riddles than her own life. Yet he is her companion when she needs help the most. The rest of the story goes through how she is defamed by her husband's cousins, the Kauravas and how this goes about bringing the worst battle in history of Bharat - Kurukshetra.
A very interesting point in this entire novel is Draupadi's secret desire for Karna , who is the eldest brother of the Pandavas, but by circumstances befriends the Kaurava head Duryodhana, thus becoming an enemy to her and her husbands. When you finish reading the book, you cannot escape this clandestine desire that transpires between these two ( At some point, Karna also confesses his love for Draupadi to someone else). A very well deserved twist in the tale, that I found very captivating!.
The book is really beautiful and I found it very difficult to put it down every night. I have read the Mahabaratha earlier and I love it.. but this is even better. Yes it is a figment of the author's imagination, but isn't Mahabaratha Vyasa's imagination as well?
Are you still reading my blog?! C'mon, go and grab this book now and you wont be disappointed:)
A Palace of illusions is the story of the great Indian epic, Mahabaratha as seen from a completely different perspective - one of Paanchali Alias Draupadi, who was the very reason for the great battle of Kurukshetra.
The story begins from the birth of Draupadi and her Brother Dhriystaduma from the fire. The story of the various characters in her life and her own story have been beautifully juxtaposed by the author. The entire novel is a narration of how draupadi feels about things that happen in her life, how she believes herself to be no ordinary girl , how women in generally feel helpless many times and how she is determined to make a mark in history.
Draupadi feels she is wronged when she is not allowed to learn the skills her brother Dhri gets to practise everyday. She hopes, like any other girl to find love in her life. So when her father decides to arrange her marriage by promising her hand to someone who can prove his skill in archery, she is furious that she is a mere pawn in this whole game. She is less than excited when she discovers that she is to be shared as wife among 5 brothers ( pandavas). She blames her mother-inlaw Kunti for such a garish proposal and for the fact that her real husband Arjun does not even have the courage to stand up for her.
She goes through her life and slowly begins to realize her dreams when she gets a palace of her own in Indrapastha. - the palace of illusions. Her good companion since birth has been Krishna, whose talk throws more riddles than her own life. Yet he is her companion when she needs help the most. The rest of the story goes through how she is defamed by her husband's cousins, the Kauravas and how this goes about bringing the worst battle in history of Bharat - Kurukshetra.
A very interesting point in this entire novel is Draupadi's secret desire for Karna , who is the eldest brother of the Pandavas, but by circumstances befriends the Kaurava head Duryodhana, thus becoming an enemy to her and her husbands. When you finish reading the book, you cannot escape this clandestine desire that transpires between these two ( At some point, Karna also confesses his love for Draupadi to someone else). A very well deserved twist in the tale, that I found very captivating!.
The book is really beautiful and I found it very difficult to put it down every night. I have read the Mahabaratha earlier and I love it.. but this is even better. Yes it is a figment of the author's imagination, but isn't Mahabaratha Vyasa's imagination as well?
Are you still reading my blog?! C'mon, go and grab this book now and you wont be disappointed:)
Friday, September 19, 2008
Driving your personality
I read somewhere that the way you drive your car determines what kind of a person you are in life. Interesting!. On some observation, I find this partially true with the people I tested it with ( me and my husband:)).
Let's take the way my husband drives - He is fast, has good control, stops quite a distance from the car in front, at a signal or stop sign, definitely follows the stop sign - even if there is no car in a foreseeable mile!. He fills gas and air promptly as needed. Is not happy about lending his car to anyone, calls it his mistress ( or maybe baby.. I forget). He lets people pass in front of him and even if they are wrong, he does not honk.
In Life, he is - Impatient at times, unemotional, does not like to get too close to people, likes to keep them at a distance, likes to follow rules, is a little risk averse, good at keeping things in order, close-guarded about his family and secrets, is tolerant of mistakes and is very willing to forgive, controlled and balanced in life.
Now to my driving - I am fast, sometimes reckless, stop very close to the previous car, switch lanes when I am bored, roll at stop sign when I can't see a car standing there. If someone crosses me, I honk and sometimes I speed, change lanes and try do cut across their car ( yes, road rage:)), I wait till my tank shows empty to fill gas, I love curvy roads. I don't mind lending my car and don't mind borrowing as well!
Yes, I am quite impatient, speak before I think, let people into my life easily, let out more than I should, very emotional, love thrills and surprises, don't like being wronged :)
So you see how the connection is? Oh well.. maybe I am just reading too much into this. Driving in Chennai , where you brake when you hit the car in front of you , has probably instilled this kind of driving sense ( or no- sense ) into me.
So what is your driving personality?
Let's take the way my husband drives - He is fast, has good control, stops quite a distance from the car in front, at a signal or stop sign, definitely follows the stop sign - even if there is no car in a foreseeable mile!. He fills gas and air promptly as needed. Is not happy about lending his car to anyone, calls it his mistress ( or maybe baby.. I forget). He lets people pass in front of him and even if they are wrong, he does not honk.
In Life, he is - Impatient at times, unemotional, does not like to get too close to people, likes to keep them at a distance, likes to follow rules, is a little risk averse, good at keeping things in order, close-guarded about his family and secrets, is tolerant of mistakes and is very willing to forgive, controlled and balanced in life.
Now to my driving - I am fast, sometimes reckless, stop very close to the previous car, switch lanes when I am bored, roll at stop sign when I can't see a car standing there. If someone crosses me, I honk and sometimes I speed, change lanes and try do cut across their car ( yes, road rage:)), I wait till my tank shows empty to fill gas, I love curvy roads. I don't mind lending my car and don't mind borrowing as well!
Yes, I am quite impatient, speak before I think, let people into my life easily, let out more than I should, very emotional, love thrills and surprises, don't like being wronged :)
So you see how the connection is? Oh well.. maybe I am just reading too much into this. Driving in Chennai , where you brake when you hit the car in front of you , has probably instilled this kind of driving sense ( or no- sense ) into me.
So what is your driving personality?
Monday, September 15, 2008
Shopping
My husband is always amazed at the way I shop. Dont be mistaken, he neither encourages nor is appreciative of my methods:) he is plain amazed and sometimes amused too.
I hate making lists, but I do make one on most of my grocery shopping. Now, how difficult can shopping be with a list right? Make a list and stick to it! I wish... I go to the shop and while I am trying to pick things from my list, my eye is constantly scanning other corners for stuff that I may or may not need. I end up contemplating for a long time about buying something that did not make it on the list, or worse, something that I dont even need right now! Of course I do end up buying it as well. Its afterall food, why would it go unconsumed:)
I pretty much do the same with my mall shopping, making it all the more nailbiting for my husband, since I dont bother to make a list... who makes a list for the mall? I first walk around , taking a glimpse of everything around the section i am interested in.. then I begin my process of elimination. Finally by the time I get to what I like, I have pretty much sapped my energy and time. Now I am in a state of panic and frenzy, since I dont have time and I have not made my selection too... so I decide to take the best out of the choices I have ( YEs I have choices right till the time I pay the bill:)) and head to the counter. God forbid I see something on the way I missed earlier... I would not even venture to tell you how my mind would behave then.
When i reach home after all the hard work and show my husband what I bought, he goes : " Wow that's nice, so when are you returning it?" Guess what he actually means that question quite seriously:) and I dont blame him for that. Infact he thinks that my reason for buying is that I could back again to the shop! According to him, my shopping process goes through these 3 steps:
1. Scoping
2. Buying
3. Returning
He used to tell me he was happy as long as I got to the third step.. but of late , he has been wanting me to go through all steps in a single visit, given the gas prices! Yes, he does like to dream the unthinkable:)!
PS: I strictly believe that only unused goods should be returned!.. so no silly ideas from my post please:)
I hate making lists, but I do make one on most of my grocery shopping. Now, how difficult can shopping be with a list right? Make a list and stick to it! I wish... I go to the shop and while I am trying to pick things from my list, my eye is constantly scanning other corners for stuff that I may or may not need. I end up contemplating for a long time about buying something that did not make it on the list, or worse, something that I dont even need right now! Of course I do end up buying it as well. Its afterall food, why would it go unconsumed:)
I pretty much do the same with my mall shopping, making it all the more nailbiting for my husband, since I dont bother to make a list... who makes a list for the mall? I first walk around , taking a glimpse of everything around the section i am interested in.. then I begin my process of elimination. Finally by the time I get to what I like, I have pretty much sapped my energy and time. Now I am in a state of panic and frenzy, since I dont have time and I have not made my selection too... so I decide to take the best out of the choices I have ( YEs I have choices right till the time I pay the bill:)) and head to the counter. God forbid I see something on the way I missed earlier... I would not even venture to tell you how my mind would behave then.
When i reach home after all the hard work and show my husband what I bought, he goes : " Wow that's nice, so when are you returning it?" Guess what he actually means that question quite seriously:) and I dont blame him for that. Infact he thinks that my reason for buying is that I could back again to the shop! According to him, my shopping process goes through these 3 steps:
1. Scoping
2. Buying
3. Returning
He used to tell me he was happy as long as I got to the third step.. but of late , he has been wanting me to go through all steps in a single visit, given the gas prices! Yes, he does like to dream the unthinkable:)!
PS: I strictly believe that only unused goods should be returned!.. so no silly ideas from my post please:)
Friday, September 12, 2008
Surprised beyond words
The other day I heard the door bell ring and with my daughter in one hand, and a spatula in the other, I rush to get the door. When I open the door, I see this 6 or maybe 7 year old, dressed immaculately, every strand of hair in place and quite fashionably so.! That to begin with, was quite embrassing for me - I was in my pyjama and my daughter's dress had food all over it!.
The girl then started talking, with both her hands behind her back, one leg slightly in front of the other. You get it? The very professional pose...
She : " Hello Maam, oh wat a beautiful baby"
Me : (Huh?!) " Oh.. th.. thank you"
She : " Maam, we are organizing this event..... blah blah "
Me : ( Look at her style of talking,,, what was I doing when I was this young).
She : "... so we are looking for sponsorships...."
She : " Maam?"
Me : " Yeah I I understand( I had no freaking idea what she was talking about, but my antennas have been well trained to respond to the word " outgoing money" , thanks to my husband)"
Me : " I would love to help you, but I will have to consult with my husband on this. Would it be possible for you to come at a later time?"
She : " Of course Ma'am, I understand. Thanks again. May I say, your baby is adorable"
Me : " Thank you"
That was the first of a kind for me.. a young girl, so precocious.. I could not believe her confidence and maturity.
When I was 6 or 7, I was probably running around trees in my house, playing make believe games with equally ambitious friends of mine:) I dont think I could even get money from my own parents, leave alone strangers!
So , what were you doing at that age?
The girl then started talking, with both her hands behind her back, one leg slightly in front of the other. You get it? The very professional pose...
She : " Hello Maam, oh wat a beautiful baby"
Me : (Huh?!) " Oh.. th.. thank you"
She : " Maam, we are organizing this event..... blah blah "
Me : ( Look at her style of talking,,, what was I doing when I was this young).
She : "... so we are looking for sponsorships...."
She : " Maam?"
Me : " Yeah I I understand( I had no freaking idea what she was talking about, but my antennas have been well trained to respond to the word " outgoing money" , thanks to my husband)"
Me : " I would love to help you, but I will have to consult with my husband on this. Would it be possible for you to come at a later time?"
She : " Of course Ma'am, I understand. Thanks again. May I say, your baby is adorable"
Me : " Thank you"
That was the first of a kind for me.. a young girl, so precocious.. I could not believe her confidence and maturity.
When I was 6 or 7, I was probably running around trees in my house, playing make believe games with equally ambitious friends of mine:) I dont think I could even get money from my own parents, leave alone strangers!
So , what were you doing at that age?
Diversity in Music?
I was listening to a song " Sahana Saaral poothado" from the movie Shivaji. The song is sung by Udit Narayanan, who in his own natural habitat is an amazing singer. But when I hear him sing tamil songs, I cringe..
No offense to him or anyone else, but pronounciation goes a long way in the success of a song. Do we not have good singers who can do justice in our domain? I dont know Hindi or anyother language very well, so I cannot comment on singers from the south singing for Hindi numbers.
But I do know my language very well and can certainly feel the pain when someone who does not understand the meaning or can even pronounce the words, is actually given the opportunity over and over again!
Of course, this is not applicable to every singer out there... how can we forget the famous " valai oosai" and " shenbagame" . In the recent times, Shreya Goshal does a decent job with her tamil diction.
OH well.... as long as the albums sell, who am I to question?:)! Enjoy!
No offense to him or anyone else, but pronounciation goes a long way in the success of a song. Do we not have good singers who can do justice in our domain? I dont know Hindi or anyother language very well, so I cannot comment on singers from the south singing for Hindi numbers.
But I do know my language very well and can certainly feel the pain when someone who does not understand the meaning or can even pronounce the words, is actually given the opportunity over and over again!
Of course, this is not applicable to every singer out there... how can we forget the famous " valai oosai" and " shenbagame" . In the recent times, Shreya Goshal does a decent job with her tamil diction.
OH well.... as long as the albums sell, who am I to question?:)! Enjoy!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Mixed emotions?
My 14 month old is now going to transition to the next toddler class at her daycare. When she started daycare around 10 mos, I was so upset every morning after leaving her, since she would cry her heart out as I gave her to the teachers. It tore me apart and some days left me feeling so guilty that I thought I was going to go to my office and write my resignation letter!
She and I have since then grown and gotten used to the infant teachers and feel comfortable. Now I am again worried about the new transition, on how she would cope, if she would cry again for a whole month , if she would eat- what if a bigger kid throws her down and jumps on her? ( note to self : teach her self-defense soon)... and the list goes on and on.
So you might think it would make me feel good if my daughter dint cry when I dropped her off? Oh how mistaken are you... if she jumps into her teacher's arms and gladly waves a bye to me, I probably would be crying more! ... Thoughts of my dear little one not needing mommy anymore would flash in front of me.
Really, I dont know how to deal with this mix of emotions in me:) Oh How i long for the clarity of thought some others possess.!
She and I have since then grown and gotten used to the infant teachers and feel comfortable. Now I am again worried about the new transition, on how she would cope, if she would cry again for a whole month , if she would eat- what if a bigger kid throws her down and jumps on her? ( note to self : teach her self-defense soon)... and the list goes on and on.
So you might think it would make me feel good if my daughter dint cry when I dropped her off? Oh how mistaken are you... if she jumps into her teacher's arms and gladly waves a bye to me, I probably would be crying more! ... Thoughts of my dear little one not needing mommy anymore would flash in front of me.
Really, I dont know how to deal with this mix of emotions in me:) Oh How i long for the clarity of thought some others possess.!
Monday, September 8, 2008
Where do I begin?
I finally succumbed to world of blogging. After multiple failed attempts ( laziness, more laziness), I decided its time to throw pieces of what my scatter brain assimilates over time.
I dont think this blog has a specific character, for if I had one, I am positive I will steer away from it most of the time. To be safe, its best to assume that this blog will be very very general cruising across multiple topics of my interest/disinterest!
I live with my husband and a 14 month old overactive toddler in the state of Texas. I work in the area of operations research. When I am not working, I spend time with my family. I read, like to travel, love shopping ( dont we all?), and have fun with my friends.
Here's hoping that my next post will get better!
I dont think this blog has a specific character, for if I had one, I am positive I will steer away from it most of the time. To be safe, its best to assume that this blog will be very very general cruising across multiple topics of my interest/disinterest!
I live with my husband and a 14 month old overactive toddler in the state of Texas. I work in the area of operations research. When I am not working, I spend time with my family. I read, like to travel, love shopping ( dont we all?), and have fun with my friends.
Here's hoping that my next post will get better!
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